[ORA ORA ORA ORA] salakasto's dank subs 2016™
Hey, has anybody told you what sort of place Yoshiwara is?
It's a place where you're forced to like unlikeable men.
I don't mind playing the koto, but I don't know if I could do that.
But I've also heard that for women that just can't get to liking their customers,
there's a secret drug only known to Yoshiwara
that will make you fall in love no matter what.
I wonder if someone like us, or someone like you...
could fall in love with one man after another.
I dunno...
I've never fallen in love with a man.
Yeah...
I had someone in my hometown...
But we ended up parting without me even saying anything...
If only I had a drug as convenient as that one,
then maybe I could've been honest with him.
Hataru, is there any point to conveying feelings you could only convey
by relying on someone like that?
You may be right... but it's all so difficult.
Whether it's someone you like or someone you hate
I'm sure someday you'll understand what it's like to have strong feelings
for someone you love.
Tsukuyo-chan.
Get a move on!
H-Hyakka!
Even if we sell our bodies, we don't sell our hearts.
You said that, until you met up with the man from your hometown
and told him how you felt, you'd never fall in love with anybody.
So what are you doing eloping with this nobody,
Hotaru?
And you've become such a great courtesan...
...haven't you?
P-Please! Just let us go!
You can do what you want, Yoshiwara ain't the cage it once was.
But, what you have on your back is something you'll be leaving behind.
It's not just Hotaru's, it's money all the courtesans worked tirelessly to earn.
Goddammit!
Boss!
Hotaru is...
I thought so... Did he do something to her?
Oi bastard, the fuck'd you do to Hotaru?
That woman had a man her heart was set on.
Her standards ain't low enough to be seduced by a dirty bastard like you!
This is...?
Tsukuyo-chan... I'm sorry...
I...took a whiff of some strange odor the customer presented...and it made me go crazy.
Odor?
He burned something...like a sort of incense...
After I smelled the scent, the instant I saw his face...my heart...
Incense...?
Boss...um... that thing...
- BOSS!!! YOU SHOULDN'T SMELL IT! - PUT IT OUT!! HURRY, PUT THAT INCENSE OUT!!!
That incense is most likely a special kind of incense that effects the brain.
The first person you lay eyes on after you get a whiff of that incense...
...you'll fall in love with!
I might be a sort of...love potion...
Eeeuuuyyy peni-xtinguishing comple-tah!
Ya know, this really ain't a good place to be playing with fire, ya naughty girls!
Ehh? Aren't you guys...
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU POINTING AT US, YOU BASTARD???
- Boss! - Thank God! You didn't smell the incense right?
Of course, as if something like love potions exist anyways.
And I'm the head of the Hyakka, someone who discarded her womanhood long ago.
And really, some pervert like that who exposes himself, I could never l-l-l-...
...love him.
- BOSS!!! - THAT'S SO CLICHE!
YOU'VE BEEN COMPLETELY AFFECTED, HAVEN'T YOU?? LOOK AT YOUR EYES! YOUR EYES!!
- BOSS!! - BOSS!
No need to worry. If these eyes of mine are led astray, then all I gotta do is remove them.
Boss...
These vacant eyes will not meet that good-for-nothing's poll any longer.
All that will be in my eyes now...
...are two lovely balls.
NO WAIT! NOT THOOOOSE!!!
-Love Incense Arc- Part One
You're saying this "incense"... is a love potion?
Th-that sort of thing only exists in romantic comedies!
It's nonsense!
If it really does exist, it could overturn all of history up to this point!
Exactly, which is why it's been locked away deep within Yoshiwara.
These are a secret drug known as "Aizen Kou".
Just sniffing it will cause someone's brain to produce excess pleasure-enducing substances
leaving them to feel emotions similar to love to a person that's close to them at that moment.
Recently, courtesans have been caught taking money from shops and eloping.
Many customers have been causing bloodshed with their lovers' hands in theirs, all caused by this.
In other words, the courtesans are using it to seduce customers,
and the customers have been using it to make courtesans fall for them.
Where's the fun in landing a girl with a drug?
My thoughts exactly. Some things are only interesting when they don't go the way you want them to,
but recently there's more boorish people that don't know how to play.
Even conceding that, for the main event there's still V***ra.
But if you wanna dope up even for the foreplay, then there's nothing erotic or elegant.
It's more like a sport at that point.
- What the hell are you talking about, you bastard?!?!
How's the search going, Tsukuyo?
We captured some men that held possession of the incense, but everyone's seemed to
have overdosed on it and lost their sense of self, unable to give testimony.
B-By the way Hinowa...
...h-how long does the effects of the love incense last?
Well, it depends on the amount taken I guess.
By the way...why are you sitting so far away from us?
N-No reason...
Well, could you come a bit closer then?
N-No...I'm f-f-fine here...
Corners are cool and calm me down...
What are you sweating for? This isn't Othello, taking the corner won't mean anything.
Th-This is painful... My chest is in pain...
Just being in the same room as him makes my chest feel like it's going to burst open...
If he gets any closer I'm certain I'll die...
Why...why is this happening to me...?
Something like that...a factory only capable of producing snot...
...looks like the Prince of Snot!
You're still not annoyed by that are you?
I couldn't help myself, I was drunk.
I mean, you're still a woman of Yoshiwara, right? So seeing an eyeful of rod or two or three balls is like playing with a cup and ball toy for you.
- To me, he sounds like a Prince...
I'm sorry for displaying something so embarrassing earlier, seeing you just made me feel so far gone.
I wanted to show you all of me. It was a cute ball-and-cup game, wasn't it?
Calm down... Keep your eyes up ahead.
This is just an illusion caused by the love incense... Like hell I'll let it control me!
If you're all the way over there, we can't talk about the important things we need to discuss.
Come over here.
That close?!
Eh... I said you should come closer so we can hear, but this close?
W-Well, this is an important strategy meeting...
Why is the volume of your voice quieter the closer you get?!
Tsukki, you seem a bit off today, are you okay?
No, I'm perfectly fine...
You're obviously trying not to look this way!
Oi, what's wrong?
- AHHHHH MY EYES! MY EYES!!! - GIN-SAN!
- AHHHHH MY EYES! MY EYES!!! - Oh, she's drawing something!
"How we will eliminate the Aizen Kou from Yoshiwara" - Ahh, you were mumbling ideas so you could write them out in a plan, huh?
"(1) Find the source of the Aizen Kou and cut it off at the root"
"(2) To prevent the confiscated Aizen Kou from being used again, we dispose of it"
- Okay, okay, I see...
"(3) Let's work out the plan together a little more"
"(4) We continue working on the plan further"
- Um, excuse me, do you think we might be refining the plan a little too much?
"(5) We continue refining the plan forever. It's okay if it never ends."
- What do you mean if it never ends?! Just how much of a plan are you concocting?!
Ahh, a map of Yoshiwara.
So we have everyone in the Hyakka investigate around here,
and Gin-san and Tsukuyo-san go here, right?
WHY IS IT IN A HEART SHAPE?!
Ahh I see. So it's not like that, huh?
WHY'D YOU TURN IT INTO AN UMBRELLA YOU'RE SHARING?
WHAT EXACTLY HAS BEEN GOING ON THIS WHOLE TIME?!
It's no use, my body won't do what I tell it.
If I stay with him, I won't be able to finish the mission...
We should do something with these.
I want you all to dispose of this Aizen Kou so they can never be used again.
We won't allow this devilish aroma to play with people's hearts any longer.
I'm counting on you.
Hey hey, we got it.
Just make sure you got our payment ready.
...This is for the best.
I should be fine as long as he's gone. I can act freely, just as I always have.
Yes, as long as he's gone...
As long as he's not around...
He's not here?
Huh? He's gone?
Oh well, I guess I'll just go with him.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
WHAT ABOUT YOUR JOB OVER THERE HUH?!
Th-They've got plenty of people over there...
I'm waaay more worried about you guys, how you're planning on getting rid of this incense.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT!! We're just going to dump this carrier
into some lava along with the idiot inside it!!
Eh? Is it okay if I stay with you all the way to the lava?
No, it is not okay!! And why are you making such a happy face?! I'm gonna drag you off there myself!
Get the hell off already!!
Kshatriya!
FIRE!!!
Thank you so much, Sensei.
How do you like it, Otae-chan?
I should expect nothing from the best lute player here.
I'll do my best.
I'm glad to hear that. But I had my misgivings about bringing you to Yoshiwara.
I'll come with you next week, too.
Ahh it's fine. The red-light district is protected by Tsukuyo-chan and the others.
I feel much safer here than out where the gorillas live.
Oh yeah, since I'm here I should go say hi to Tsukuyo-chan.
Huh? I wonder what that smoke is.
This is bad...the Aizen Kou is spreading...
Smoke!!
E-Everyone! Hurry and take shelter in here!
Don't breathe in the smoke!
Shinpachi, Kagura, go fetch some water from nearby!
Sure!
Let's hurry, Pattsan!
Huh? Where's Gin-san?!
Excuse us, but there's a fire nearby!
Could we borrow some wa-
Heeey...when can we see each other again?
Sorry but...I'm not the type that sleeps with a woman again after doing it once.
You don't wanna get lost in your dreams...
Just forget about me.
Ahh I understand...
I know you just said you weren't feeling too well...
But I won't tell anyone that you couldn't get it up, it's forgotten.
Shinpachi, Kagura, where's the water?!
Can we just use our tears?
What happened?!
What'd you see?! Just tell me!
Gin-san has...
Hey boomerang honeys over there!
How about instead of gateball, you and I go knock some real balls around??
...been beaten!
And of all things...
How about we take a break in that hotel for a bit?
I'll be fine, I won't do anything!
Just maybe a little back massage!
He's turned into a real monster hunter!!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU BASTARD?!
Please come back to us, Gin-chan!
That's not gateball, that's a gate to hell!
We can still make it in time, he instinctively withered in front of the gate!
Urgh...I-I...inhaled the smoke...
Thanks to you guys, I managed to stop right at the brink.
No, you were pretty much just barely tagged out!
Kagura, Tsukuyo...
I think I didn't realize it until now because you were so close by,
but I now know that you two are irreplaceable to me.
How about we go to the other side of Child Protection Services together?
ARE YOU JUST OPENLY INSANE NOW?!
O-Oh geez...
He doesn't care if it's a mature woman or a loli now,
from cradle to grave, he just hits on every female he sees!
He's become a total lady-killing sleezeball!
So it's not only the first person you see after smelling the love incense that you fall in love with?!
He probably smelled so much that he lost his sense of reason!
At this rate, everyone will end up just like him.
I'll take care of this, just hurry on outta here!
Shinpachi! Kagura!
N-No way...
There's smoke all over the place.
Who the hell did this?!
W-We're okay, Tsukki.
We inhaled the smoke...
but our eyes are closed!
- THAT HURT, DAMMIT! - Ahh, I'm sor-
Uhh...
Ohh...
Uh oh...
I-Impossible!
P-P-Pattsan is...
Err, Pattsan is...
Super cool!!!
Only his glasses?!
What is this...? She shouldn't be any different than normal...
She should be the same person I'm used to seeing. but...
SHE'S SO COOL!!!
The glasses are all you can see, too!!
I-I-I-I'm so sorry! I just...
N-No, I should apologize.
No I...I just...
I'm sorry, Shinpachi-kun!!
- H-Hey...wait, Kagura! - No, wait!
Come back!!
I've got to do something...
Hey Miss...
- What shop do you belong to? - She's a beauty, she's all mine.
Play with me, miss!
- Play with me! - No, play with me!
C-calm down you bastards! Get a hold of yourselves!!
That woman is all mine!!!
STOP!!
Oi, don't you dare lay a hand on my woman.
The shinigami courtesan is eternally mine.
I won't let you lay a single finger on her.
There isn't a single woman I would give to people like you that would take a woman by force.
All girls in the universe, from elementary school girls with backpacks on their backs
to old ladies with warts on their backs, are all mine!!!
You brutes are a hundred years too young to play around in Yoshiwara!
Go spend the rest of your lives clicking around on porn sites!
But remember the women on those sites are mine too!!
YOU'RE THE ONLY BRUTE HERE!!
Gintoki, quit it. Those guys are just affected by the love incense!
I know that, honey! This way!
Yoshiwara has become a nest of sex maniacs, it's too dangerous to walk around here openly.
Let's take the back streets, honey!
What're you scheming?! The most dangerous sex maniac around here is you!!
Don't get the wrong idea, honey.
I just want to protect my honey from the sex maniacs.
Try not to do anything that'll make you stand out.
- Okay, honey? - Yes, darling!
This is definitely gonna stand out!!
Where'd you get all these honeys from?!
Women have no ugliness or beauty.
I don't discriminate between ugly women or beautiful women.
My etiquette is to seduce them all equally as just holes.
You're more discriminatory towards women than anyone else!!
I was wondering where you'd wandered off to and you were seducing women!
When you're like me, you don't need pick up lines. You only need...
...your eyes.
You just took advantage of women affected by love incense and brought them back here!!
Then should I have just left them out there unchecked?
Let's bring them to Hinowa, they should be safe there.
Just don't touch 'em...
Honey...
Let's take down the ringleader.
This insanity was cause by whomever it was that spread the Aizen Kou around Yoshiwara.
They'll have needed a lot of hands to pull this off, but the bigger the organization, the easier they are to trace.
In other words, whether the enemy's an organization or not, this was pulled off by just one person.
Using the Aizen Kou, they're manipulating people like they're their own arms and legs.
Like hiding a tree in a forest, the party manipulating them is somewhere in that army of sex maniacs.
We need to go poke around in there.
That's reckless, honey.
I cannot let my honey into that pack of beasts alone.
When we go, and come, and pass on, we do it together.
Don't touch me you beast!!
Why are you so on edge? Don't tell me you're jealous of my other honeys?
Like hell! You've been affected by the love incense,
but I've always known you to be an utter asshole!
Hmph, I simple treat all humans, young or old, man or woman, equally.
Or just maybe... you want me to be only kind to you?
N-No one said anything like th-
It's fine, really.
If that's what you want, I don't mind being only yours.
Th-This is bad...
The effects of the love potion are coming back...
And in exchange, Shinigami courtesan, you need to be prepared for me to buy your freedom.
Somehow, my heart is starting to beat fast for this lady-killing sleezeball...
Just kidding...
Sorry, I'm not really feeling too good about this.
Yeah, this isn't going right.
When there's a woman I really want to make a move on,
I can't do it...like I usually do...
Th-Then there's nothing you can do...
If you wanna...then we can go together...
I think I can endure...
J-Just...
Your hand...
Ahh good.
Well if it's just hands, I'm okay with any number!
Okay, then let's all get along and get going, shall we?
You guys use your hands, and I'll use my lips, okay?
DIE!!!
Oi darling, I understand Yoshiwara's courtesans, but why are these guys here?!
How dirty can you be that you used the incense to even get your hands on your friends?!
C-Calm down, honey!!
I-I just wanted to fu-I mean, save as many honeys as possible!
I still haven't put my hand or d*** on them!
Right, honeys?!
- DON'T TOUCH ME!! - WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING HONEYS?!
D-Didn't you guys fall in love with this idiot because of the love incense?
Please stop joking, Tsukuyo-dono.
I would rather be eaten by a beast of the savanna than be devoured by this beast.
B-But, you just had hearts for eyes...
N-No we didn't, that was just your imagination...
...right, Kyu-chan?
Ah, maybe it was because I was just wanting to eat some heart cookies.
That's not the problem we have here!!
And anyhow, hearts in our eyes in this day and age?
This isn't some Joumon period (ancient) romantic comedy.
Now they're advanced hearts! And even in 3D!!
Kyubei, your eye patch just turned into a heart-shaped cookie, didn't it?!
Don't try to act tough...
You guys smelled the love incense too, didn't you?
We didn't, we didn't!!
And if we did, we would never have fallen for this idiot! He doesn't interest me one bit!!
W-We came because we thought it was a bad idea to let this wild beast roam free!!
A-anyways, we need to do this or all the women of Yoshiwara will be in danger!
You're the dangerous ones!! Just how worried are you that other women will get their hands on him?!
I-I told you, it's not like that!
And what about you?! Weren't your eyes hearts last week??
I'm sure they were!!
I-I...
...was just thinking I wanted to eat some genji pies...
Those are no different from the heart cookies!
My hearts are way bigger than any heart cookies!
So what?! You're saying your love is bigger?!
-Ahh no...! - What are you saying?
My heart cookies are cheap and delicious!
Kyu-chan, that's enough about the heart cookies now...
Where are you going, Kin-san?
A-Ahh sorry...Kin-san actually went someplace else.
I'm Pin-san now...
Anyhow, we can't let this beast just run free.
We'll bring him back above ground so you can rest easy and find the person responsible for this, Tsukuyo-chan.
N-No, it would be dangerous to bring a beast like this above ground.
W-We'll confine him here, below ground. You two just hurry and take shelter away from here.
Tsukuyo-dono, is this really the time for that? Do you really wanna stay with the beast that badly?!
Of course not! It's just that everything that happens in Yoshiwara is my responsibility.
- Why are you all obsessed with this man?! - We're not obsessed!!
We told you we just wanna work together with everybody!!
Just let me handle him for now!
No, let me do it!!
No, I'll do it!!
No need to worry. You'll get used to it soon.
Now you guys are our comrades as well.
G-Gorilla? You...
Take this!
You guys...!
To all of the lost beasts scattering their lust about indiscriminately,
set aside your lust and devote your love
to our god, Aizen Myouou-sama!
Long live Aizen Myouou-sama!! Long live Aizen Myouou-sama!!
- Aizen Myouou?
Hey, hold on Kagura!
Why are you running?
I-I'm sorry, I...
I just suddenly couldn't see your face properly anymore, Shinpachi-kun...
But why? What do you mean?
I won't be able to understand unless you look this way and talk to me about it.
Like I said, Shinpachi-kun, I...
Look this way!
Please, look me in the eye.
I-I can't...
He's just too cool. Looking at him, I can't say anything...
Ahh...I can't take my eyes off you...
It's like I'm a slave to your eyes...
Kagura, if you won't say anything...
Then I, the man, will...
I want...those eyes to stare at me forevermore.
No one else's, only yours...
Wh-What...?
Th-Then I want...you to always look at me, Shinpachi-kun.
Ever since I first me you, I've been gilded to those eyes.
Will you promise me something?
I want your eyes, Shinpachi-kun, to always be mine...
Yes, these aren't eyes for other women. I can see...only you...
I'm so glad...
Kagura. I won't give them to anyone else.
Shinpachi-kun, I won't leave them either.
- THOSE GLASSES!! - MY REFLECTION IN YOUR EYES!!
- My eyes! MY EYES!! - What the hell did you do?!?
H-Huh? What are we doing in a place like...this?
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT YOU CREEP?!
What are you doing, dammit?!
Even being so young, have you found out yet?
What love really is?
Yes, love is just the trick those glasses showed you.
With time, soon the colors fade away and it withers, just like a flower.
There is no such thing as eternal love in this world.
It is all nothing but a butterfly dancing in a blooming flower for a brief time.
Such a sad story, isn't it?
I will bring everyone with me.
K-Kondo-san?!
Sister! Kyubei-san!!
No matter how much time passes, our flower of illusions will not fade or wilt.
If you devote your love to me, Aizen Myouou Hotaru,
I will love you all for all of eternity.
[Credit to Kewl0210 for translating the manga, which I copied and rearranged when necessary. Nobody was willing to add subs to the Gintama OVA so here came this first time subber with no knowledge of Japanese to save the day. If you have a problem with the translations, do it yourself. I lost too much sleep to this shit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯]
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